Learning to Love the Broken Parts: A Journey Through Depression and Self-Discovery

Introduction

Hi! My name is Austin, I'm 20 years old, I am a biology/pre-PA major at Binghamton University, and I'm from Dobbs Ferry, New York. For a while now, I've always tried to be someone who kept it together, someone who looked fine on the outside. But underneath I was struggling with something much heavier. I didn't just dislike the way I looked, I hated the person I saw in the mirror. Every glance felt like a reminder of everything I wasn't: not good enough, not strong enough, not worth it. I felt an unbearable amount of shame, disgust, and emptiness. I didn't see someone who just needed time to grow, I saw someone I wanted to escape, not someone I wanted to fix.

Struggling with Depression

I've struggled with major depression and deep self-hate. And I don't mean just feeling sad or having a bad day, I mean waking up every day and wondering if things would ever feel different. I mean carrying emotions that felt too heavy to say out loud. There were nights I didn't know who I was becoming, and days I couldn't tell anyone because I didn't want them to look at me the way I looked at myself.

Growing up, I didn't really have people or places where it felt okay to talk about deep emotions. Pain, fear, sadness. Those things stayed buried, because I didn't know how to share them and didn't think anyone really wanted to hear them. So when I started dealing with depression, I had no idea how to handle it. I smiled when I needed to. But inside, it was chaos and I didn't know how to ask for help.

Why I Became a Mentor

I became a mentor because I know how terrifying it is to feel like you're alone with your pain. I've lived through moments when my foundation shattered, when I disconnected from my purpose, and when I started losing pieces of myself. I watched the version of me I wanted to become slip away, not because I stopped caring but because I didn't know how to come back from everything I had lost.

It's hard to look in the mirror when the mirror itself feels broken. When all you see is the damage. The failure. The version of yourself you can't stand. I spent so long trying to fix what I thought was wrong with me, trying to become someone I could finally accept. But healing didn't come from fixing myself. It came from learning to love the parts of me I thought were too broken to love.

The Turning Point

I realized I needed to stop running from myself and start showing up for myself. I needed to stop waiting to feel worthy and start believing I already was. That shift didn't happen overnight. It took time, patience, and people who reminded me I was worth fighting for, even when I couldn't see it.

My Mentors

I've had mentors who didn't just tell me things would get better, they sat with me in the mess. They didn't try to fix me or rush me through my pain. They just reminded me I wasn't alone. And that made all the difference. They helped me see that I didn't have to have it all figured out. I didn't have to be okay all the time. I just had to keep going.

My Goal as a Mentor

That's what I want to be for someone else. I want to be the person who shows up when things feel impossible. The person who listens without judgment. The person who reminds you that you're not too much, you're not too broken, and you're not alone. Because I've been there. I know what it's like to feel like you're drowning. And I also know what it's like to finally come up for air.

My Message

If you're reading this and you're struggling, I want you to know: You don't have to have it all figured out. You don't have to be okay all the time. You just have to keep going. And if you need someone to walk with you through it, I'm here. Because no one should have to carry that weight alone.